My Creek Cleansing Experience
with photography by Marcy Harris-Ortiz
It is not hyperbole to say that having your photograph taken by Marcy is nothing less than identity transformation; it is truly magical, and the cleansing ceremony photo shoot was exactly that: MAGIC.
I’ve had my photos taken by Marcy before, back in February of 2020 (right before everything shut down due to the pandemic), and I was in a smaller body than I am currently in now. I had been wanting new photos to celebrate and honor my body as it is, but the right opportunity just hadn’t come up yet, until Marcy announced the Cleansing Ceremony photo shoot. As soon as I read the description, I knew that I had to be a part of it.
However, I did not sign up right away. I was in communication with Marcy and informed her that I was planning to participate, but something kept me from signing up. A possible trip with my husband came up, but then that was cancelled (he wanted to drive up by Sandusky to buy a golf club! Hahaha). But I knew that was not the reason why I was putting off signing up; it was resistance showing up because I knew that if I participated in this, I was going to have to be vulnerable, exposed, and that I was going to grow. I knew that I would not be the same person afterwards. Even when we know something is going to be good for us, that it is going to help us on our way to where we want to go (grow), our Ego likes to get loud because it wants to keep us where we are (safe). The unknown can be really scary, and that was what was stopping me from immediately signing up.
The cleansing ceremony was even working its magic before I even signed up, since I had to overcome my own fear of the unknown (like Where exactly are we going to be? Are the women there going to be nice? Will they judge my body? Will other people be able to see me? etc) before making the payment. But I knew that I had negative perceptions and stories of myself that I needed to release, and the pain of holding onto those was bigger than my fear, so I finally signed up a couple days before the photo shoot.
The day of the photo shoot, I was so nervous, but I was also really excited too. I could feel that this was going to be something BIG. But once we were at the first location, and everyone started to strip down to their underwear, it felt like I was removing my fear as well as my clothes. Marcy burned some incense and said some words while we were all standing together in a circle. To be honest, I do not remember what she said, but I remember how the words made me feel. Standing there with the other women, I didn’t feel exposed; I felt held.
I felt safe.
We each grabbed a colored marker, and then each one of us took turns standing in the middle of the circle, writing the words and labels that we had been carrying inside of ourselves onto parts of our bodies and even asking other women in the circle to write them on for us in places we couldn’t reach. During and after this part of the ceremony, we shared our emotions and realizations that we had. One realization was that a lot of us were writing either the same or similar things on our bodies, such as “fat”, “not worthy”, “not lovable”, “people pleasing” etc. It made us realize how similar we are to one another. Sometimes when someone would write a word, a lot of us would be like “Me too!” and would add that to the list already written on our bodies. Another thing we noticed was that some of us were writing the opposite on ourselves, such as “too emotional” vs ”cold”, “not enough” vs ”too much” and it made us realize that, as women, sometimes it feels like you can never win. That the outside world is going to judge you no matter what you do. Instead of going into a victim mentality of “If nothing I ever do will be good enough, so why even try?”, we all really took on the empowered mindset of “If I am going to be judged for it anyway, I might as well do whatever the fuck I want”, which made us all feel very powerful. Also, a lot of us shared that when someone wrote a word on their body, we had this instinctive need to be like “No, that’s not true! You are not (insert word)!” but we did not voice those objections because we wanted to witness and validate the woman’s experience. It was also hard to write these words onto someone else’s body, because you didn’t want them to identify with those words. We all wanted to lift each other up; but at the same time, we all were thinking the same things about ourselves. We noticed how we were speaking to ourselves in a way that we would not want our friends, loved ones or even other women that we had just met, to speak to themselves in. We vowed that we would be more cognizant of the way that our inner voice spoke to us in the future.
When everyone was done, and all these perceptions, labels and beliefs were no longer invisible within us, but were instead visible for all to see, it was just such a clear visual representation that we never know what is going on inside another person or what they are going through.
After the writing portion, we moved to a more secluded spot. As soon as we got situated, it started to lightly rain. Marcy laughed and said that she manifested this. Water is such a powerful cleansing element of the Earth, and it came at the perfect time for us. We were all so ready to wash away these beliefs and labels from our bodies and our psyches. You can tell the change in our attitudes by just looking at the beautiful pictures that Marcy captured! It really felt like these words no longer defined me in any way and had no bearing on how I thought of myself any longer.
The rain stopped right after the cleansing pictures were finished (of course it did!). It was so amazing and empowering to witness the transformation of the women around me. When someone was getting their picture taken, the other women would be giving compliments and hyping them up. As I am on the shy side, I thought I would be a little embarrassed to receive the compliments (even though I was giving them), however hearing them as I was getting my picture taken just made me feel more loved and comfortable in my body than I ever had before.
Plus, I want to take a moment to talk about Marcy specifically. This WOMAN you all, she just doesn’t tell you how to pose or take your picture. She was a part of the whole experience. She was writing words on her body, she cleansed herself in the stream, and then was still taking pictures of everyone in her UNDERWEAR and did not give a FUCK! I cannot imagine anything more empowering for taking pictures in your underwear while you are in a stream, than your photographer being right there with you in the moment. It made a really vulnerable experience feel so much less so, because you were not alone ever.
For the final photo shoot, we all changed into our dresses for the Goddess pictures. Again, everyone was complimenting and hyping each other up. You could really feel the shift in our energy; it was light, playful, fun, empowering, and sexy. We were all so comfortable around each other by now, and the cleansing ceremony really bonded us together. I believe that the bond is evident in the pictures that Marcy took of us all together at the end.
(To see the group photos, please check out Marcy’s blog).
A month after participating in the cleansing ceremony photo shoot, I still feel like I am transformed. I know that I am not the same person that I was beforehand. Have those words been completely eliminated from my self-talk? For the most part YES. But if they do show up, or if I engage in behaviors that reflect them (such as people pleasing), I am conscious of it and can change out of those behaviors so much quicker than before.
If you are feeling a pull towards this, or if you said to yourself “that sounds amazing” or “I wish I could do that”, or if any part of you felt jealous while reading my experience, that means that this is a desire that is on your heart, and that God/Universe/Spirit put that desire on your heart because this opportunity was meant for YOU. Recognize your fears but know that the best things in life are usually right on the other side. If you feel resistance like I did, it is pointing you to what you are meant to do.
Participating in the cleansing ceremony photo shoot with Marcy was one of those things for me, and I will remember it for the rest of my life.
With love,
Danyle
